A little bit of sweat

I needed to clear my head this afternoon so I took the opportunity to get out of the house.

I took a good fast walk down to the river Cam which runs through our town on into the city center of Cambridge and nodded at a few passersby as I wiped the sweat from my brow.

As I journeyed to my destination I began to cry a bit. Nothing to draw attention to myself, but enough to look a bit distraught.

I am blessed to be in the place I am, but I am also struggling with a million emotions.

My son is going through a stage I am not too sure how to handle. He can be just as emotional if not worse than a girl at times. He is soooooooo whiny. I can handle just about anything except whining! I know drama was bound to be found in my kids, but not so much in my son.
I really struggle with enjoying this season with him. I am exhausted from midnight feedings and looong days with my Josiah. I am praying that preschool will help straighten him out as well as my prayers.
Maddie is trying to balance being a 61/2 year old with no real girlfriends nearby and having a brother who is very dependant on her companionship. She is at the stage where she gets bored with the same movie or toy. Trying to teach contentment in a "gimme"world is hard to say the least.
My husband and I are daily laying our concerns before the Lord of why we are here. We fall on the promises He gave us from the beginning and look back on 7 months of our lives and know that we will never be the same. He has done an amazing work in our hearts since coming to this apathetic country. The longer we are here and the more churches we attend, the more we see the need for intercessors and for the love of Christ to be discovered again. It is dark at times. Depressing as well.
However, we know that His hand is guiding us and knows our needs.
I lack nothing when I measure my griefs next to His will for me. I have the opportunity to live in the fullness of life right now. Eternity is now, not just when I see Him face to face. When I walk in the Spirit I experience Christ in me as He dwells in my life.
So my tears today were out of frustration of why I can't figure out how I feel most of the time, because I know I'm suppose to be here and keep allowing Him to refine me. Refining lasts forever here on earth. And then it will be done. Thank you Lord!!!!!

There are 60 churches in the 6 mile diameter that make up the city of Cambridge. That doesn't include the numerous villages that make up Cambridgeshire as a whole. We so yearn to be a part of their communities and lives that we don't know where to begin at times.

I know that my feelings are genuine and credible, but they are felt deeply in light of this revelation. I have such deep hopes and desires for our lives here. I know that we are gonna be used in a great way for some purpose if only to encourage the broken church here to turn back to Jesus and His words of life.

An hour and a little bit of sweat later, I had obviously regained my composure and resolve to "be all that I can be" as He shines through me.
I do need prayer so desperately these days and know I will have it. Thank you saints :).